Bromance vs Nature: Deadly Movies reviews ‘The Grey’ (2011)

I adore man vs nature movies, I have done ever since I saw Leslie Nielsen bare-chest wrestling a bear in Day of the Animals (1977). The thought of seeing Liam Neeson (who’s really carved out a surprising career as a tough guy in the past decade) fighting wolves in the Alaskan wilderness was an easy sell. But whilst The Grey certainly delivers on man vs nature genre conventions It’s also trying to be something a lot more. Director and writer Joe Carnahan wants to take us on a brutal journey that is as much about survival, masculinity (aka some serious bromance), and loss as it is about running from rampant wolves. And It’s not just the narrative that’s a surprise, Carnahan really slaps you in the face from the get-go with a tone and visual style which is not at all symptomatic of genre movies. The Grey feels more like a hard hitting gritty drama which, has way more in common with Carnahan’s Narc (2002) than it does his A-Team (2010). There’s certainly some wonderful snow filled cinematography, but on the whole Carnahan keeps things handheld and frantic.

The Death of The Video Store? I Just Got a New Membership!

The death of the video rental store is a well trodden topic on blogs and in columns, so I’ll try to keep this short. Now I’m not some old kook complaining about the death of an unwanted, useless technology. I am old enough to remember visiting video stores to hire movies on VHS  as a kid. I’ve always enjoyed the library type quality of the video store, and the even greater browsing quality, even when you know what your looking for. Then of course came DVD, Blu-ray, and then on-demmand. Blockbuster pushed out the local video store and Netflix eventually pushed out Blockbuster. You know the story. Of course whilst each newcomer cornered the market, each respectively put up their prices when consumers had nowhere else to consume: When your local video store got trodden on by Blockbuster up went the BB night rentals, when Blockbuster all but went bankrupt up went those Netflix subscriptions.

Top 5 (non werewolf) Movie Wolves

Coming up with great movie wolves that aren’t werewolves is harder than you may think, especially these days when animals tend to be realised by shitty CGI (looking at you The Day After Tomorrow wolves). Most horror movie wolves tend to be of the Were (aka lycanthrope) variety, which sucks because I’m of the firm belief that werewolves should be man-wolves and not the on-all-fours types you find on the Discovery Channel. So without further adieu here’s Deadly Movies favourite non-werewolf wolves:

From Nancy to Lisbeth: The Transformation of Rooney Mara

In 2010 I was invited to the UK press screening of Platinum Dunes remake of A Nightmare on Elm Street. On a wet London evening I had to surrendor my cell phone and (embarrisingly old) backpack in exchange for a shinny press kit containing pages and pages of information praising the cast and crew who had ‘re-invented‘ a horror legend. Well, we all know how that turned out (see Deadly Movies review here). One such page heaped praise upon up-and-coming leading lady Rooney Mara, a real find and star  of the future it suggested, performing in her first real feature film of any notability. Deadly Movies was less than complimetary toward Mara’s performance back in 2010, in fact I barely mentioned her in the review at all (which is saying something as she was playing Nancy, one of slasher’s leading ladies). What little I did have to say about her can be found in these uninspiring words:

“ In trying so hard to make Nancy a ‘plain Jane’ (as opposed to Katie Cassidy’s hot but disposable blonde) the filmmakers have forgotten to give her any personality. In fact she’s incredibly boring.“

Ouch. So It’s time to eat some pie. And I don’t mean the kind of apple pie that only your mum makes. I talking hot, steaming, and surprisingly tasty, humble pie. Rooney Mara’s performance in David Fincher’s The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo is one of the standout reason to see the movie (along with Fincher’s usual visual flair). The transformation in 12 short months from Nancy to Lisbeth is staggering. And hats off to Fincher for making this bold, brave, and very surprising casting. Mara’s physical transformation in both the literal and performance sense results in a wonderful display in a very demanding role. Not only was Fincher asking Mara to up her game tenfold for a role that involves traversing very heavy subject matter balanced with the always tricky obstacles of a foreign accent and well placed comic timing, but she also had that Elephant in the room to deal with; Noomi Rapace’s deservedly lauded turn as Lisbeth in the original Swedish Larsson-trilogy. In short It’s a mind blowing leap in performance that has rightly earned her an Oscar nod for best actress and, for me at least, the main reason I’m keen to see Fincher head back to Sweden for two more outings with Lisbeth and Mikael.

Do You Remember When..,

.., The Creature From The Black Lagoon got his scaly green ass set on fire (1954)?

There’s always those moments in movies you forget about, especially in awesome and notorious films. You tend to remember those famous moments – sure you remember the Ghostbusters defeating the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man but do you remember than Ray gets a blowjob from a ghost (and yes that actually happens in the movie, take a look here)? When it comes to this Universal classic monster movie  you tend to recall those iconic moments like The Creature swimming upside-down stalking Julie Adams or carrying the poor swimsuit clad damsel through the corridors of his dark, dank cave (as immortalised in the infamous poster). So it always comes as a pleasant surprise upon re-watching that The Creature (aka stuntman Ben Chapman) gets set on fire and takes a swan-dive off the side of a boat, safely putting himself out in the recesses of his trusted Black Lagoon. Setting characters on fire is always a pretty cool spectacle for audiences. Setting a Universal classic monster on fire is all the more satisfying. And just to satisfy your burning (get it? Burning!?) curiosity, here’s a close up of The Creature having his face and tits well and truly barbecued.

Deadly Movies Cameos: Kevin Smith in ‘Superman Doomsday’ (2007)

Lets have a quick and very paraphrased history lesson. Back in 1996 Kevin Smith landed the dream gig of pitching his vision of a rebooted Superman to Warner Bros and producer Jon Peters. Smith’s never-made ‘Superman Lives‘ makes for long and fascinating reading. The project never made it to fruition because of major creative differences between Smith and Peters. Peters had some very misguided and very shortsighted ideas of how to approach a new Superman movie. Typical of the 90s approach to superhero films, Peters wanted to change the source material as much as possible, rather than embrace and celebrate it which, is thankfully the trend we largely see today. Amongst Peters’ demands were that Smith’s Superman was to wear a black costume (apparently red and blue was too “faggy”), wasn’t to fly (a Superman that doesn’t fly? Go figure), and had to fight a giant mechanical spider during the movie’s finale. Incidentally Peters would get a giant mechanical spider in 1999 in his totally not dogshit production ‘Wild Wild West‘. Smith actually managed to turn a script in that met all of these whims of a lunatic and was still removed from the project.

These daysWB has much more sense when its comes to its DC prpoerties (‘Green Lantern‘ aside, woops) and this is no more evident than in the wondrous animated features produced under the banner of DC Universe Animated Original Movies. 2007′s ‘Superman Doomsday‘ (a PG-13 with some pretty awesome slug-fest violence) features an animated version of none other than Kevin Smith taking a great side-swipe at Jon Peters. As Toyman scales a building in a (you guessed it) giant mechanical spider and is suitably nailed by clone-Superman, Smith can be heard saying “like we really needed him to bust up the mechanical spider right? Lame!” (and yes that is Smith’s voice). It’s a great moment that shows just how far WB has come in the treatment of its most valuable asset.

Happy Friday the 13th: Top 5 Random Friday the 13th Moments

The Friday the 13th franchise is probably full of more moments of randomness and hilarity than any other famous horror franchise. The Friday films have never taken themselves quite as seriously as their counterparts, with directors and writers trying to insert in-jokes, parodies, and humour into tight budgets and short shooting schedules. There are far too many wacky scenes to fit into a Top 5, so consider the moments below as less definitive and more a homage to the oddness that distinguishes the wonderful world of Friday the 13th.

Great Moustaches & Beards in Horror History: 1977

Luke Halpin and Moustache are ‘Keith’ in SHOCK WAVES (1977)

Luke Halpin was once a smooth, baby-faced, teenage dreamboat. His satin-like face scrawled across countless teen magazines during the 1960s. Halpin was best known for his role as Sandy Ricks (a name almost as smooth as his goose-fat-like smooth face) in the ‘Flipper‘ movies and TV shows. But when Haplin had had his fill of teenage girls (not sure about the wording there) he moved onto to bigger, scarier, and hairier things. With new found man testosterone coursing through his veins, Halpin turned his hand to more adult movies including the fabulous 1977 Nazi-Zombie schlocker ‘Shock Waves‘. As the manly named Keith, Haplin grew an equally manly and notably noble moustache (equalled only by his flowing Greek-god-locks). Haplin’s moustache commands the screen and the respect of both Nazi-Zombies and 70′s hottie Brooke Adams. It’s moustaches like this that won the war.

Movies You’ve Probably Never Heard of #18

‘The Evil Below’ (1989)

Captain Max Cash has everything a man could desire; a tropical island life, a cooler full of beer, very small tight Speedo’s, a teenage blonde secretary, and a hot British client willing to wear nothing but bikinis during most social situations (played by the beautiful June Chadwick of ‘V‘ fame). The one thing Max doesn’t have (aside from better fitting swimming attire), ironically, is any cash.., an irony lost on this film. Director Wayne Crawford cast himself as Max Cash but sadly didn’t have the hindsight to make this a funny, self-knowong, action romp.., instead he made a piece of boring nonsense that sandwiches in some last minure satanic elements to try and sex-up the fact that it’s a dull TV movie at best which, should really have been nothing more than an episode pitch for ‘Macgyver‘.

Running around a tropical Island full of British and Australians in his tiny Speedo’s, Max and Sarah (Chadwick) search for the wreck of a sunken Spanish galleon which, has been cursed and therefore needs to be blown up rather than pillaged. When the movie tags on Its bizarre paranormal bookend to try and convince us this was an attempt at a horror movie, the bad-guy actually turns up in a hat and cape circa 1920s fiend tying a damsel to the train tracks. All of this would be hilariously entertaining if the movie knew how stupid this all was. But it doesn’t. Even funnier, Crawford has the balls to suggest a sequel, which oddly enough never came to be. Here’s to you Captain Max Cash, the man with no cash.

So let’s see a show of hands.., who out there has seen this Speedo fetish dream-boat?

You can see the other 17 movie’s you’ve probably never heard of here

The End Is Nigh: Deadly Movies Favourite Post-Apocalyptic Movies

With the Mayan calendar ticking down, Harold Camping moving his prediction forward a year, and Kim Jong-un sitting with his finger on the big red button, It’s easy to understand why some folks are getting a little tetchy about the coming end. But fear not, If movies have taught us anything It’s that a handful of humans will not only survive the apocalypse but maybe even have a little fun in the empty malls left behind. To clarify you won’t find your more infamous zombie flicks in here (aka the Romero movies) as you could fill a list with post-apocalyptic zombie movies alone. That’s for another day. So, here’s Deadly Movies favourite (non zombie) Post-Apocyalpse movies:

Deadly Movies 2012 Preview

With 2011 behind us Deadly Movies previews some pick movie choices for 2012.

Deadly Movies’ Best of 2011

Deadly Movies | Top 10 movies of 2011

2011 was a funny year in horror. The remake itch is certainly being scratched less by the major studios, a mixture of poor public response and the well being all-but-dry of titles has seen to that. Paranormal Activity continues to be the new annual Halloween tradition, filling the void left by SAW. It was also a much better year for Indie horror, with some absolute gems getting wider recognition in theatres or on DVD. Scandinavia also continues to be the game leader in quirky, beautifully crafted, fairy-tale horror. So looking at the horror genre with broad strokes as ever (inc sci-fi, creatures, monsters etc) let’s take a look at Deadly Movies favourites.

Deadly Movies: The 12 Days of Christmas (put into song form?)

Merry Christmas from Deadly Movies 

On the first day of Christmas, Deadly Movies gave to me, John McClane exploding aeroplanes with a Yippee (Ki-Yay Mother Fucker)

On the second day of Christmas, Deadly Movies gave to me, Two tities molested

On the third day of Christmas, Deadly Movies gave to me, Three ships by Alan Arkin

On the fourth day of Christmas, Deadly Movies gave to me, Four alien invaders

On the fifth day of Christmas, Deadly Movies gave to me, Five decapitated snowmen

On the sixth day of Christmas, Deadly Movies gave to me, Six gremlin limbs-a-flying

On the seventh day of Christmas, Deadly Movies gave to me, Seven shitters-a-overflowing

On the eighth day of Christmas, Deadly Movies gave to me, Eight James Caan-a-fingers-broken

On the ninth day of Christmas, Deadly Movies gave to me, Nine kids gone missing

On the tenth day of Christmas, Deadly Movies gave to me, Ten yuppies-a-networking

On the  eleventh day of Christmas, Deadly Movies gave to me, Eleventh degree clown burns

On the twelfth day of Christmas, Deadly Movies gave to me, Twelve grams of cocaine (For Ellis)

All together now:

• Twelve grams of cocaine
• Eleventh degree clown burns
• Ten yuppies networking
• Nine kids gone missing
• Eight James Caan-a-fingers broken
• Seven shitters a-flowing
• Six gremlin limbs-a-flying 
• Fiiiiiiiiive decapitated snowmen
• Four alien invaders
• Three ships by Alan Arkin
• Two tities molested
• And John McClane exploding aeroplanes with a Yi-i-i-ppeeeeeeeee (Ki-Yay Mother Fucker)