Category Archives: Do You Remember When?

Do You Remember When.., Killer Frisbee Almost Decapitates Hired Goon in Hard Ticket to Hawaii (1987)?

Frisbee Kill Hard Ticket to Hawaii 1

Never has the Hired Goons Union been so enraged as they were in 1987 when Ron Moss despatched one of the greatest ever named Goons ‘Shades’ (he wears sunglasses), with a razor-edged Frisbee. I mean death by Frisbee just doesn’t make for a good Goon eulogy. But that’s of no concern to this agent of ‘The Agency’ who comes up with an incredibly convoluted way to kill a man involving three frisbees, a man-bag, a Hawaiian shirt, and a tiny pair of Speedos with barely enough room for a packet of mixed nuts.  It’s got to be one of the great kills of the Andy Sidaris’s ‘L.E.T.H.A.L’ film series.  It may well be a kill that’s camper than a row of tents but it’s surprisingly gory with Shades losing his fingers before the blade-frisbee (Bladebee?) ends up embedded in his throat.  Glorious.

Frisbee Kill Hard Ticket to Hawaii 3Seriously.., image being killed by this guy..,

Frisbee Kill Hard Ticket to Hawaii 2

Tagged , , , , , ,

Do you remember when.., Jeff Goldblum rides atop the T-Rex’s nose in Jurassic Park (1993)?

jeff goldblum on t-rex 1

It’s a rather blink-and-you’ll-miss-it moment in Senor Spielbergo’s dinosaur classic, but it does indeed happen; Jeff Goldblum sits legs akimbo the T-Rex’s nose (snout? I’m not too up on my dinosaur anatomy). Think back to the glorious T-Rex attack sequence.., It’s dark, it’s raining, the fences have failed, and Jeff Goldblum self proves chaos theory by running inexplicably, with emergency flare in hand, towards a bamboo public-washroom. As the T-Rex bursts through the washroom walls to devour the cowardly lawyer inside, Goldblum is shown falling to the wayside. But hold-up. rewind that sequence a few seconds and slow it down. Goldblum isn’t brushed aside by the T-Rex, but is actually saddling the beast’s nose like a bride-to-be on a bucking bronco. It’s a pretty wild sequence which lasts all but a second on-screen and isn’t made any easier to see as Goldblum’s dressed head-to-toe in sultry black.

But it is there, and it does exist. Jeff Goldblum rides the T-Rex.

jeff goldblum on t-rex 2 copy

Tagged , , , , , ,

Do You Remember When Frank Smiled like a Maniac During The Fall Sequence in Cliffhanger (1993)?

Frank Smiling Cliffhanger

This is one of the first ever scenes in a movie where I remember thinking “what the fuck is happening here?” When Frank (played by the marvellous Ralph Waite) looks upon Stalone dropping Michael Rooker’s girlfriend from a zip-wire and down to her certain death you’d think director Renny Harlin would be barking out orders to emote fear, shock, awe, and horror. Instead old Frank is grinning away as if he’s hallucinating about winning the puppy lottery. How the shit-bags did this scene make it past Harlin, the editor, the studio execs, and the test screenings? It’s like Martin Van Buren, it’s there, it’s real, but no one really remembers it (Van Buren was the eighth president of the United States – remember him? Exactly.). Frank literally stands there while Rooker’s heart breaks into a million pieces, clutching the zip-wire, and smiling hysterically as if he were staring at a circus bear juggling shaved rabbits rather than witnessing the end of some poor girl’s life. Inexplicable, totally random, and beautifully preserved forever.

Tagged , , , , ,

Do you Remember When.., The Fat Nurse Runs Through a Plate-Glass Door In The Incredible Melting Man (1977)?

incredible melting man nurse

This is a joyous moment in b-movie history. When an astronaut returns to Earth with some kind of space-flu he’s less than happy when he wakes up in a military hospital to discover his face’s taken a turn for the Harvey Dent melty. Sadly for a voluptuous nurse wearing cinema’s tightest ever slutty Halloween costume, old drippy flesh isn’t in the mood for mushy food or pillow plumping. It would seem space-flu’s major side effect is a nasty case of the pissed-off and this astronaut (complete with new found athletic speed) takes it out on nurse chubby boobs. Time then for this overweight medical assistant to make her dramatic escape by running down a corridor long enough to give Usain Bolt a stitch and gloriously bulldozing herself through a plate glass door without even breaking her stride . Truly wondrous.

Tagged , ,

Do You Remember When.., Tommy Lee Jones Drew a Dick in Volcano (1997)?

It was the best of times it was the worst of times. It was the decade of god awful CGI blockbusters (did that ever end?), it was the decade of the disaster movie revival, and it was the decade where Tommy Lee Jones became a less than obvious action lead. But perhaps best of all it was a time when Tommy would draw sketches of massive cocks in his movies. That’s right, high school style childish drawings of huge dicks. Disguised as a doodle of how to create a cul-de-sac of collapsed buildings in order to redirect the flow of deadly lava, Jones directs LA’s finest fire fighters and police my means of 10 year old’s impression of a throbbing errection. Don’t believe me? Check out the still below:

Tagged , , ,

Do You Remember When.., A US Soldier Delivers Cinema’s Worst EVER Zinger in ‘Godzilla Vs. King Ghidora’ (1991)?

The Godzilla movies are always good for moments of movie madness. But It’s 1991s Godzilla Vs. King Ghidora that delivers a line of such unbelievable lameness, that sinks so low in the annuls of the spoken vocabulary, that is the shame of the rimmed glasses writing community; it has become both folk lore and warning amongst the coffee shop owl tattooed brigade. Of course I speak of the moment when US troops kill a Japanese sympathising T-Rex during World War 2 (history) only to deliver the hilariously stupid zinger “Take that you dinosaur“. WHAT? That’s the best they could come up with? You can imagine Arnie himself shaking his head with embarrassment at this one. I mean even I could’ve come up with “Ouch! He’ll be dino-sore in the morning!“, or “This time stay extinct!“, or “I’ll see you in the museum!“. Oh Toho will you ever learn? Even “I’ll have what’s she’s having” would be better if entirely irrelevant. To witness this wonderment check out the video below:

Tagged , , , , ,

Friday the 13th Special: Do You Remember When Crazy Ralph Materialised in the Pantry?

You’re doomed! You’re all doomed!” Classic Ralph. Or Crazy Ralph to those who knew him well.

Legendary Friday the 13th Soothsayer Crazy Ralph (Walt Gorney – what a great old-school name, who’s called Walt Gorney these days?) is a prized asset in the F13 world. His wonderful scene chewing pronunciation of the word “dooooomed” has endeared him to many a horror fan. Ralph first appeared in Friday the 13th (1980) and the 1981 followup where he met his untimely demise at the hands of the very evil he was trying to warn those lusty teens about. But I bet you don’t know that old Walt kinda reprised Ralph, in voiceover at least, for the opening monolgue of Friday the 13th Part VII (1988). Deadly Movies favourite Ralph moment occurs when he somehow materialises in Alice’s pantry in the original movie, delivering some classic warnings of “doom” direct from god. Alice is of course shocked, and why wouldn’t you be? You go to the pantry for a can of beans and what you get is a deranged old man with too many shirt buttons undone who’s been hiding in your kitchen pantry for god-knows how long. The only way this could have been bettered is if Ralph had peddled his classic blue bicycle out of the pantry. You can see Walt’s appearing act in the video below at around the 28 second mark:

Friday the 13th will always be a day for horror fans to celebrate Walt Gorney (1912-1991)

Tagged , , , , ,

Do you Remember When..,

.., The Empire State Building appears in the middle of 5th Avenue in ‘Independence Day’ (1996)?
Anyone who knows anything about the great New York City will know all about the grid system on which the vast amount of Manhattan is structured. Avenues run north and south, streets east and west. So on a clear day you can see miles down any of Manhattan’s avenues. With this in mind take another look at the awesome Independence Day (1996) and you’ll notice that the Empire State building (normally located along 5th Avenue between west 33rd and 34th) has shimmied sideways into the middle of 5th Avenue which, aside from the fact that it’s about to be leveled by alien terrorists, would cause one hell of a traffic problem. Obviously this was done to achieve the awesome spectacle of seeing landmark building exploding from top to bottom as in fact you can’t see the Empire Building at street level from ground to roof unless you’re standing right outside it. That of course is the magic of movies.

Do You Remember When The Goonies Met WWF Wrestlers?

Cyndi Lauper’s 1985 music video Goonies’R’Good Enough is perhaps one of the single most bat-shit-crazy crossover moments in the history of pop culture – and I mean Japanese Nic Cage commercials crazy. Having the star of your music video reenact the plot of the movie which the song is promoting is hardly note worthy, but it’s here that this piece of 80s memorabilia get’s all kinds of super random. Lauper essentially takes on the role of The Goonies searching for buried treasurer (standard), The Fratelli’s however are replaced by an oddball selection of  WWF  wrestlers including Rowdy Roddy Piper (of They Live fame), Nikolai Volkoff (evil Russian), The Fabulous Moolah, Classy Freddie Blassie, and best of all The Iron Fucking Sheik (Sheiky Baby to his friends and owner of the world’s greatest twitter account). Throw into this the actual Goonies themselves making an appearance in shameless Goonies promo t-shirts and Steven Spielbergo doing a piece to camera like a local sports anchor. It’s sheer 80s gold. Here’s a quick list of the highlights that make this one of the greatest 12 minutes in entertainment and marketing history: Continue reading

Tagged , , , ,

Do You Remember When Female Waldo (Wenda?) Appears in ‘Cruise Into Terror’ (1978)?

Where’s Waldo/Wally? was first published back in 1987. The concept, as you well know, is to find the stripy shirted nerd amongst a group of sketchy randoms. But dear friends, imagine my wonder when, whilst watching the 1978 TV movie Cruise Into Terror, I realised that Wenda (the female Waldo/Wally) had made her media debut some nine years prior on this less than illustrious TV movie. Take a look at the above image for all the proof you’d ever need. Where’s Walda? On a fucking boat off the coast of Mexico searching for an Egyptian sarcophagus .., that’s where.

Tagged , , ,

Do You Remember When.., The Titanic Arrived & Cheech Marin Cameoed in Ghostbusters 2 (1989)?

A weird joke this one. With a tad more attention to detail this would have played much better. During the obligatory “Somebody get me the Ghostbusters” montage The RMS Titanic finally arrives in New York City (at that point in time) some 77 years late, along with the ghostly apparitions of those poor soles that didn’t make it off the ship alive. The odd thing is that the model makers (and presumably Ivan Reitman and his editing team) failed to notice the huge historic error in their portrayal of the world’s most infamous ship wreck (or just didn’t give a shit). Considering the wreckage was discovered in 1985, the point when the world learnt that she was in two halves, Ghostbusters 2 (some 4 years later) depicts the ship intact with the outdated huge hole theory. Ooops. And if you want to be really picky the Titanic would’ve docked at Pier 54 not 34. Still.., It’s a great scene that fits well within Ghostbusters humour and the ghostly passengers are a great touch (there’s even a ghost crew member pushing a passenger’s luggage trolly!). Oh that and the dock supervisor who calls in the sighting, and delivers the awesome line “Better late than never” is none other than Cheech Marin, who likely thinks this is another case of a bad batch of weed.

Tagged , , , , ,

Do You Remember When..,

.., Reptilicus Eats a Cartoon Farmer in ‘Reptilicus’ (1961)?

Perhaps the only example in the history of cinema where a puppet dragon has eaten a cartoon farmer (the above still is actually taken from the movie). Denmark’s only giant creature movie Reptilicus has a massive cult following, especially in.., Denmark. It is without doubt an awful movie.., whether or not it falls into the so bad it’s good category is a matter of personal taste and blind national pride. You can find a plethora of information online about this movie and its history, such is its notoriety. But today we’re going to celebrate a landmark in movie effects when the US producers (History lesson: Reptilicus was shot in both Danish and English and there are subsequently two cuts containing some visual and plot differences) decided that, in order to up the ante, more gore was needed. One of the ways they bizarrely went about this was to draw (and I mean draw) a cartoon farmer inside (i.e floating around in front of..,) Reptilicus’s mouth during the beast’s assault on a farm. This decision is all the more baffling when you consider that they were actively trying to improve the movie in post. The main problem being that the monster was god awful, and any attempt at layering effects on top of the world’s smallest movie puppet only drew attention to the fact.

The best way to sum up the experience of Reptilicus can bee seen in this photo (left). An old housemate of mine, who, after enduring this Danish landmark, took it upon himself to defile my DVD case and make improvements with post-it-notes. The synopsis of the movie subsequently read: “Discover the true meaning of Danish cinema as a rubber toy from the dollar store brings my brain to its knees. Packed with no plot, dubbed actors, and acid vomit, Reptilicus proves that in Copenhagen any prat can make a movie. In this sub-par creature feature about a cold blooded 90-foot mess who’s time has come to piss me off. Fun Facts: It’s total shit. Special Features: A gun to take your life with.

Tagged , , , , ,

Do You Remember When..,

.., The Creature From The Black Lagoon got his scaly green ass set on fire (1954)?

There’s always those moments in movies you forget about, especially in awesome and notorious films. You tend to remember those famous moments – sure you remember the Ghostbusters defeating the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man but do you remember than Ray gets a blowjob from a ghost (and yes that actually happens in the movie, take a look here)? When it comes to this Universal classic monster movie  you tend to recall those iconic moments like The Creature swimming upside-down stalking Julie Adams or carrying the poor swimsuit clad damsel through the corridors of his dark, dank cave (as immortalised in the infamous poster). So it always comes as a pleasant surprise upon re-watching that The Creature (aka stuntman Ben Chapman) gets set on fire and takes a swan-dive off the side of a boat, safely putting himself out in the recesses of his trusted Black Lagoon. Setting characters on fire is always a pretty cool spectacle for audiences. Setting a Universal classic monster on fire is all the more satisfying. And just to satisfy your burning (get it? Burning!?) curiosity, here’s a close up of The Creature having his face and tits well and truly barbecued.

Tagged , , , , , ,
%d bloggers like this: