Tag Archives: Best Movie Moustaches

Great Moustaches & Beards In Horror History 1964: Yoshifumi Tajima in Mothra vs Godzilla

Yoshifumi Tajima Mothra Godzilla

Now I’m no fancy-pants World War II historian, but I know a Hitler ‘tache when I see one.., and this sir is a Hitler tache. To be fair to Mr Tajima (or Mr Tajima Sir as an 80s movie would call him) the Hitler moustache is an actual facial hair style known as The Toothbrush Moustache – although butthole moustache would be a better term as I wouldn’t attack my oral hygiene with that upper-lip turd. The Toothbrush Moustache isn’t exclusive to everyone’s least favourite homicidal Nazi maniac, it was of course sported by Charlie Chaplin, Michael Jordan (yes at one time he fashioned one), Robert Mugabe (another wanker), select hipsters, and any eleven year-old with a black comb. In this case Mr Tajima struts around the place all full of himself because he’s captured Mothra’s egg; little does he know, Godzilla has no time for Tootbrush Moustache’s and is about to get all atomic breath up in this beatch. Saying that old Mr Tajima Sir does put in a scenery chewing performance of epic proportions as he gurns his way through the movie with gusto. So let us remember Mr Tajima Sir, not for his Nazi sympathising face fashion, but rather a bumbling buffoon with a half-hearted dirty sanchez.

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Great Moustaches and Beards in Horror History, 2012: Rotund Spanish Waiter Guy in [REC]3

Waiter in REC 3

Channeling every bumbling Mexican and Spanish worker from the history of Hollywood hired help, [REC]3s wedding day waiter is all that and a touch of Don Quixote as he heroically dodges zombies dressed head-to-toe in chainmail and 17th century body armour. Whilst this heroic dash of epic proportions is all too brief (not even rewarded with an on-screen death) this rotund stereotype superstar is reason enough to watch the movie. Of course no fat latino stereotype is complete without the classic slug moustache (or perhaps fat tequila worm would be a better metaphor), a moustache that says “I’m overweight, middle aged, working class, speak broken hilarious English, and am most definitely here to help (and die helping)“. Imagine the mighty moustache’s of Fawlty Towers’ Manuel, Cheech Marin, and every Mexican on South Park combined in one glorious latino top-lip hair piece running from crazed zombies in knight’s armour and tell me that this isn’t a wonder of genre cinema.

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Great Moustaches & Beards In Horror History: 2001

Ian Richardson as Sir charles warren in ‘From Hell’ (2001)

The term ‘lamb chops‘ is thrown around a lot theses days. For the follicley challenged,  lamb chops refer to a mighty pair of sideburns; sideburns so big and weighty that they fall under the meat and poultry category when border crossing. British thespian Ian Richardson CBE sports a colossal pair of lamb chops in 2001’s Jack the Ripper yarn From Hell. The chops themselves are so magnificently gargantuan that a supporting beam is necessary in the form of a girder-like moustache. It’s as if Richardson grew a huge Santa-esque white beard and got in a fist fight with Wolverine who’s Adamantium  claws barely managed to make a dent on the chin area.

Richardson was famous in the UK for playing a fictional British politician in the BBCs House of Cards. On the evidence of this beard, had he actually been in politics his facial hair would surly have supported the entire Euro Zone financial crisis.

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Great Moustaches & Beards in Horror History: 1932

Charles Laughton in ‘The Island of Lost Souls’

What’s not to like about this Musketeer Aramis/Hitler combo? Attached to the Hitchcock-esque rotund face of British thespian Charles Laughton, this moustache come R&B goatee is as licentiously eccentric as Laughton’s performance of H.G. Well’s infamous Dr Mareau. Just look at that petite chin-strap holding up Laughton’s bottom lip like a hairy goblet, balanced lovingly by a top-lip-hat that suggests both the wisdom of Hercule Poirot and lurking terror of senor Adolf. Only a moustache and beard combo such as this could drive a man to successfully combine animal and human DNA to create an army of man-beasts. One suspects that this facial hair itself may once have roamed the great Savannah in search of prey. As the chants of “what is the law?” echo from the man-beast’s village and over the treetops of the Island of Dr Moreau, surly the only sane response is “this.., this moustache beard combo.., this is the law“.

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