Like bad daytime soap operas horror movies love a good recast. The problem is that they are seldom any good. We’re of course pointing the finger at the creatives here not the poor sods laboured with the unenviable task. First up let’s eliminate remakes. Why? Well, can you name a single horror remake where the recast was better? Hardly.., so that one isn’t really a challenge. So I’m sticking to linear, cannon, franchise recasts, just to make it a little harder on myself.
5. George P. Wilbur as Michael Myers in ‘Halloween 4’ (1988): Is it a little harsh and picky to choose a stunt man behind a mask as a bad recast? No.., because when you realised that your franchise was failing because you killed off your crown-jewel and when you decide to bring back your crown-jewel, you should also realise that you need to get him right. Michael in Part 4 manages to look worse than that ginger Michael from Part 2. The main offense being Michael’s football pads. You see it was deemed that poor George wasn’t big enough so they padded him out a little. The end result looks like Michael’s constantly shrugging his shoulders, which of course is the universal signal for ‘I don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about‘. Giving us a very confused looking serial killer.
4. Safron Henderson as Ronnie Quaife in ‘The Fly 2’ (1989): In The Fly Ronnie ends the movie desperately seeking an abortion, and that’s what this sequel basically amounts to. The opening exposition shows us Ronnie giving birth to the baby of Brundlefly. Gena Davis was offered a chance to reprise the role but presumably turned it down because it was shit. However in her place we do have Safron Henderson. Who? You know, the lady who played ‘Additional Voices’ in ‘Robocop: Alpha Commando‘?
3: Lon Chaney Jr as Count Dracula in Son of Dracula (1943): Everyone loves Lon Chaney Jr because he’s just so lovable, which is a great quality for a misunderstood character like his marvelous Wolfman. It isn’t so good for the lord of darkness; Dracula. Chaney’s Dracula looks more like a cuddly uncle who’s had a bit too much to drink at a Halloween seniors party. And what was with allowing him to sport a pencil mustache? Bela must have been pissing himself.
2. Paul Rudd as Tommy Doyle and J. C. Brandy as Jamie in ‘Halloween 6’ (1995): A fine comedic actor yes, but Rudd’s Tommy Doyle is just so wet and miserable, in a constant state of seriousness that out emo’s anyone from Twilight. If I were a surviving member of the Myers family and my only chance of life was this wet weekend I think I’d kitchen-knife myself to death and get it over with. But there’s even more recasting afoot in Halloween 6, with the producers being too tight to offer the amazing Danielle Harris (ahhh Daniel Harris) enough money to return as fan favourite Jamie. Instead we’re fobbed off with J.C. Brandy of two episodes of Days of our Lives fame. Rubbish all round.
1. John Putch as Sean Brady in ‘Jaws 3’ (1983): Joe Alves really went to town with trying to ruin the Jaws franchise. Including some serious character remodeling, the most annoying of which being Sean Brody’s sudden Texan turn (a wrong put right in the opening sequences of Jaws the Revenge, one of the only good things about that disaster area). Dennis Quaid made for a decent casting choice as the older Brody brother Mike, but what the hell was going on when they went down the cowboy route for Sean is anyone’s guess. I’m all for freshening things up, but this transition from East Coat Islander to Texas Tex is pretty jarring.., I mean why not go a little further and make Sean a French Canadian? Oh oui wacky En effet, c’est une partie Brody sexy à Montréal! Ail et oignons pour tous!