‘Death Bed: The Bed That Eats’ (1977)
Deadly Movies has come across some pretty funky things over the years, but this as a concept may well take the biscuit, in fact it may well take the entire bloody bakery. If you’ve heard of this then you’ll have been totally bamboozled and bewildered by a plot that featured a homosexual possessed painting that overlooked an equally possessed four-poster-bed (sexual preference unknown). For centuries the bed has devoured all that lay upon it by digesting them through the mattress with the aid of some kind of corrosive, digestive yellow foam whereupon the victims are consumed in a vat of yellow liquid that one can only assume is located in some kind of divan stomach. Now all the carnivorous bed needs is a group of hapless and horny 70s teens to swing ’round for a groovy time, and the good news is that it’s 2 for 1 on hapless teens at Walmart. Anyway stupid and the stupid bunch get eaten by the bed. Here’s a point of interest: Teens give you bad indigestion apparently (personally I’ve never eaten a whole one), so the bed digests a bottle of Pepto Bismol for some fast swift relief. I shit you not. One teen who deserves a special mention is Shannon’s brother (Rusty Russ – his parents had a sense of homour), who dips his hands in the mattress only to have them stripped of flesh and left skeletal. Some how brother extraorldinnare spends the rest of the film with skeleton hands and no medical side-effects! What in the name of Billy Big Bollocks is going on here? Totally and utterly trippy beyond comprehension.
So this will impress me.., Hands up who’s seen it, and who the hell understood what the shit bags was happening?