So I hate haunted houses. Why? Because they scare the shit out of me. Yes that’s right, Mr Deadly Movies is affriad of haunted houses. So that’s why I live in a nice new apartment. However if you’re (stupidly) looking for a change of pace, and therein, the ultimate horror lifestyle, then here’s where you can relocate to for a genuine soiled pants experience.
5. The Femm Family Mansion, Wales
Film: The Old Dark House (1932)
Key characteristics: Isolated rural location, locked up pyromaniacs, strange family history, general sense of dread, oh and comes complete with butler.
Soil’ometer: 2 pairs of soiled pants
4. The Belasco House, aka Hell House (Wykehust Park House), Sussex England
Film: The Legend of Hell House (1973)
Key characteristics: Spinning plates, flying glasses, one of a kind genuine bone filled basement, plenty of space for scientific research, and unrelenting feeling of dread.
Soil’ometer: 3.5 pairs of soiled pants.
3. 112 Ocean Avenue, Long Island, New York
Film: The Amityville Horror (1979)
Key characteristics: Creepy windows that look like eyes, some kind of red eyed pig, dripping walls, extreme cold, creepy voices, and a fly infestation.
Soil’ometer:4 pairs of soiled pants
2. Stimson Green Manor, 1204 Minor Avenue, Seattle, Washington
Film: The Changeling (1980)
Key characteristics: Excellent for haunting spot for children, never ending supply of bouncy balls, self slamming doors, unused wheelchairs, and excellent Victorian architecture.
Soil’ometer: 4 pairs of soiled pants
1. Hill House (aka Ettington Park Hotel, Warwickshire), England:
Film: The Haunting (1963)
Key characteristics: A genuine huge mansion house, ornate architecture, moving objects, possession (which apparently you may actually enjoy), eerie sounds, and a genuine feeling of absolute terror.
Soil’ometer: 5 pairs of very soiled pants