In the fictional horror movie world there are always things you shouldn’t do, for many victims it’s their doomed choice of vacation that seals their fate. Thankfully (for most of us at least) you can enjoy a weekend away without getting possessed, skinned, bludgeoned, tortured, or drowned. However should you wish to safely recreate some of horror’s greatest movie retreats this Halloween here’s Deadly Movies guide to a slightly more bloody Griswold’s Vacation.
Movie Inspiration: Friday the 13th (1980)
Too old to go to camp? Can’t be bothered to spend all summer working at a camp? Then you need a weekend away at a lakeside camp for adults. Here you can try your hand at water sports, arts and crafts, and all things nature. And the best bit of all? No contraband booze, you’re a big boy/girl now so you can ply yourself with liquor each evening at the resort bar. Then wander drunkenly down to the sure to rekindle those memories of savage murder at the hands of a sexually repressed Oediphile. Good times, goooood times.
Deadly Movies recommends* Trout Lodge and Camp Lakewood (click here)
Old English Manor House
Movie Inspiration: The Haunting (1963)
Ah yes one of the truly great ways to get yourself into movie trouble, an oldie but a goodie, find yourself in a haunted English mansion house. Stroll around some manicured gardens, sleep in an attic room, look into the eyes of the ghostly looking portraits, try and discover a dark family history. Sadly unlike the movies you probably won’t discover that you are heir to both the house and its spirits so you’re unlikely to spend a terrified 12 hours running for your life waiting for the sun to come up. For a bargainous £2,950 ($4,700) you can hire Skendleby Hall all to yourself.
Deadly Movies recommends* Skendleby Hall, Spilsby (click here)
Crappy Roadside Motel
Movie Inspiration: Psycho (1960)
Lakeside retreats and an entire English manor house to expensive for you? Then try a $10 roadside motel instead. You’ll be guaranteed the following delights; a broken and noisy air con box, soiled bed spreads, and walls so thin you can hear the roaches making out. Taking your life into your own hangs is more likely down to poor hygiene than it is a murderous schizophrenic local. Ah well at least you can hum the theme tune in the shower.
Deadly Movies recommends* Faubous Motel, Huntsville (click here PLEASE!)
Isolated Wilderness Hotel
Movie Inspiration: The Shinning (1980)
Hotels can get you in trouble; but hotels that sit amongst Grizzly Adams terrain, miles from civilisation, can get you in way more trouble. If you’re looking to combine the psychotic local from the motel with the large and more paranormal aspects of the English manor than look no further then the isolated hotel. Of course in reality you’ll either die of A) boredom, B) bear attack, or C) climbing accident. However there’s nothing like the creepiness of long hotel corridors and a little isolation to get the imagination running amok.
Deadly Movies recommends* Winterlake Lodge Alaska (click here)
Breakdown and call into the nearest large family house on an isolated stretch of country road
Movie Inspiration: The Old Dark House (1932)
Bit of a risk this one. You drive out into the sticks for as long as you can (in a thunder storm) until you run out of petrol. Then you get out and walk because you have A) no phone signal, B) your phone has run out of battery C) you don’t have a stupid phone because they have killed horror movie set-ups. You walk to the nearest strange looking dilapidated family home and ask to use their phone, which of course isn’t working due to the storm. At which point you will spend and uncomfortable night there and may or may not get tortured after discovering the family’s dark incestuous secret.
Deadly Movies Recommends that you just don’t do this it’s stupid.
*Deadly Movies and its author do NOT actually vouch, recommend,or deter for/from any of the above locations and venues.