Top 5 Uncomfortable Number 2’s

Sometimes a number 2 can be a truly awful experience, especially when you have to follow a successful number one. Whilst finding solid number 2’s was a little more tricky there is a large pile of sloppy number 2’s to chose from. Here are a handful of Deadly Movies most painful deposits:

5. Halloween 2 (1981):Hopefully everyone out there gets to see the Halloween films in order, and in which case the thought of a Halloween 2 is a giddy prospect. Up front it delivers what you want; more Michael, more Loomis, more Laurie, and more Haddonfield. Even returning characters.., well return (like the hapless Sheriff Bracket) and interestingly, even though it’s made three years after its predecessor, it’s set on the same Halloween night. All good stuff. One major major problem. It’s so BORING! Nothing happens for large portions of the film. Plus we get really jibbed by the comatosed Jamie Lee who spends the entire film in a hospital bed asleep! Fabulous. Oh and Michael rarely uses his trademark knife. Oh and his mask looks shit and he’s now ginger for no reason.

4. King Kong Lives (1986): What the shit bags is this about. Dino De Laurentis failed at recreate the success of Jaws (1975) with his 1976 disappointment King Kong, then he failed to recreate Jaws with his abhorrent1977 Orca. By the time the mid 80s rolled around, the big-wig from Italy was short on ways to try and topple his career nemesis (Jaws if you hadn’t guessed), so when in doubt (and low on cash) return to your previous (mediocre) success, in this case the raping of King Kong. This film is just turd, there’s a lady Kong and.., oh who cares, it’s just turd.

3. Saw 2 (2005): The worst of the franchise for me. It has some nice moments such as being the film that turns Amanda into Jigsaw’s assistant rather than victim. That aside it’s just overly mean spirited, and I don’t mean that in some Daily Mail or Kansas Bible Belt way, I just think it’s filled with unsympathetic characters with no redeemable nature, so who cares whether they live or die anyway. Take Xavier (Franky G), perhaps one of horror’s biggest ever assholes who goes into super orbit of unrealistic human behaviour. Asshole. Plus the house set feels very cheap and the general appearance of the film is very ‘straight to DVD’. Something you can’t say about SAW 3. There is a nice finish but getting there isn’t worth the mileage.

2. I Still Know What You Did Last Summer (1998): There is a tradition that crappy sequels must, at some point, end up in the Caribbean, Hawaii, or at the very least the Florida Keys. Revenge of the Nerds II: Nerds in Paradise (1987), JAWS The Revenge (1987), Weekend at Bernie’s 2 (1993), A Very Brady Sequel (1996), and Speed 2, Cruise Control (1997) as examples. But the Slasher movie doesn’t need to go here. Beaches, palm trees, bamboo cocktail bars, and Hawaiian shirts do not for nightmares make. You wouldn’t get too terrified of a Bermuda shorts clad Jason Voorhees swapping Crystal Lake for the cool light blue shallows of the Caribbean, machete in one hand a Pina Colada in the other. No.

1. Exorcist 2, The Heretic (1977): The absolute worst. Madder than a bag of snakes on madmass morning. What the Richard Burton is going on in this film? No one knows and no one cares. Why? Because it’s just shit. But Linda Blair is a bit fit in it, Swings and roundabouts.

Like films that can be found floating in the toilet of a roadside motel? Then try these beauties:The Fly 2 (1989), Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 (1986), American Psycho 2 (2002), Wrong Turn 2: Dead End (2007)

Advertisements
Tagged , , , , ,

2 thoughts on “Top 5 Uncomfortable Number 2’s

  1. Rev. L. Don Campbell, II, KSC says:

    Agreed on almost every point. I never noticed Michael was suddenly ginger. Now I'll never unnotice it.Exorcist 2 was just… I've seen it several times and I still don't know why someone would want to make that movie. Linda Blair was looking pretty good in it though.Also, the only reason to watch I Still Know is for that insane, uncredited, early Jack Black appearance. Not because it's funny, but because you just sit there saying "holy crap, that's Jack Black."

  2. Theresa says:

    American Psycho 2…pure shite. Even Mila couldnt save it.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: